Tova at Tova Darling hosts Totally Awkward Tuesdays. Here's my submission this week - for once it's not about me! Yay!
You may remember me talking about this girl I work with, Laverne. She's the control freak who's job I covered when she had emergency surgery in December. Yeah, that's still an ongoing battle, but whatevs. I do what my boss tells me to do and try my best to ignore her.
Ignoring her is very difficult sometimes, because as soon as she opens her mouth, she sets my teeth on edge. She speaks her own kind of made up language, and speaks it in a nasally whine. She overemphasizes every syllable of the word she's misusing, all while sighing dramatically and wildly waving her hands around and shaking her head back and forth and rolling her eyes. Sometimes it's annoying, sometimes it's amusing. An example, "OOOOOOOH, that BOY, he SHOULDa DID it YESterDAY!". Or, "OOOOOOOOH, that BOY, he's KILLin' me DEAD!".
She outdid herself last week. Someone paid an old bill and I gave her a copy of the check. Apparently this made her even more excited than usual. As she was walking down the hall she exclaimed at the top of her lungs, "WELL! WONders never deCEASED!"
My buddy Pete poked his head out of the copy room across from me looking totally bewildered. Thank god she was walking away, because I started giggling and couldn't stop. When I finally caught my breath, Pete asked me, "what the fuck was That?".
That, my friend, is Laverne, in all her glory.
22 hours ago