My landlord, Douchey McDoucherson

I've been telling you about how my landlord needs his own posts, so here is one of many more to come, I'm sure. D-Bag, as I affectionately refer to him, can't remember what he told me when, and often just makes stuff up. I'm not sure if he believes half of what he's saying, but I'm pretty sure that I don't.

He's been telling me for years that he can't afford to fix the things that are wrong on my side of the house. He's semi-retired and his wife only works part time. At the time that he was gracious enough to fix up my bathroom a little bit, he told me again that he just doesn't have the money to fix the plumbing and electricity in there. I accepted that because I understand money trouble, and they still have 2 kids at home.

D-Bag also doesn't have the money to fix the electricity in the rest of the house as he has been promising. Other than the stove and the dryer, the whole rest of the house is on ONE circuit. We've learned to deal with it, and know what can and can't be on at the same time, but it's still dangerous if you ask me. I've had flat out screaming matches with the man, especially the time smoke was seen coming out of the only outlet in my son's room. He's always got some smart ass response turning anything going wrong in the house to my fault. This time it was because my son had too much stuff plugged in. There is only one outlet in his room! Every fight ends with, "if you don't like it, you can leave".

Another sore spot for me is the shared driveway. It is huge, and there should be plenty of room for at least 5 vehicles. However, the landlord and his wife always park as stupidly as humanly possible - and they have a garage! Any time someone comes to visit me, parking ensues into drama. It's obviously hereditary - a couple of months ago, one of his older sons came for a visit. I took this picture from my bathroom window.


A couple of weeks ago, I noticed there was a new car in the driveway. Eh, not my business, except the new car started going in the garage, and the landlord's old car and his wife's minivan were both now in the driveway. About a week later when I got home from work, the landlord was outside. I decided to take the opportunity to see if he was going to keep his word to me about being able to use the space between the garage and the shed (see above) to plant a small vegetable garden. He agreed, again, but we'll see what happens when it actually comes time to plant.

Like a kid with a new toy, he asked what I thought of his new car, a white Suzuki Firenza. I honestly told him I thought it was very nice. He started gushing about what a great deal he got on it, and how one of his friends got one two years ago and paid $20,000 for it, but he got this one for only $11,000.

Being the bitch that I am, I inquired if his old car had died. He explained that his younger son was going to be turning 17 and getting his license in July and would need his own car then. My face must have given me away, because he started stammering, "Oh, believe me, I didn't WANT to have to buy a new car, believe me, they're just giving them away, I couldn't pass up the deal".

Before I go any further, please let me say that if you can get a great deal on a car or a house or anything right now, good for you! It is a buyer's market, and if you have the money and/or the credit to take advantage of the sales going on all over the place, I'm happy for you!

But don't tell me you don't have the money to put into fixing up your own house and then turn around and buy a brand new $11,000 car because your son, who won't have his license for another four months, is going to need a car. The same kid that you won't even let ride his 10-speed out of the yard.

At least they better teach the kid how to park properly, or one of these days I swear I'm going to go out there with a can of yellow spray paint and put down lines.