Sunday, March 15, 2009

My landlord, Douchey McDoucherson

I've been telling you about how my landlord needs his own posts, so here is one of many more to come, I'm sure. D-Bag, as I affectionately refer to him, can't remember what he told me when, and often just makes stuff up. I'm not sure if he believes half of what he's saying, but I'm pretty sure that I don't.

He's been telling me for years that he can't afford to fix the things that are wrong on my side of the house. He's semi-retired and his wife only works part time. At the time that he was gracious enough to fix up my bathroom a little bit, he told me again that he just doesn't have the money to fix the plumbing and electricity in there. I accepted that because I understand money trouble, and they still have 2 kids at home.

D-Bag also doesn't have the money to fix the electricity in the rest of the house as he has been promising. Other than the stove and the dryer, the whole rest of the house is on ONE circuit. We've learned to deal with it, and know what can and can't be on at the same time, but it's still dangerous if you ask me. I've had flat out screaming matches with the man, especially the time smoke was seen coming out of the only outlet in my son's room. He's always got some smart ass response turning anything going wrong in the house to my fault. This time it was because my son had too much stuff plugged in. There is only one outlet in his room! Every fight ends with, "if you don't like it, you can leave".

Another sore spot for me is the shared driveway. It is huge, and there should be plenty of room for at least 5 vehicles. However, the landlord and his wife always park as stupidly as humanly possible - and they have a garage! Any time someone comes to visit me, parking ensues into drama. It's obviously hereditary - a couple of months ago, one of his older sons came for a visit. I took this picture from my bathroom window.

A couple of weeks ago, I noticed there was a new car in the driveway. Eh, not my business, except the new car started going in the garage, and the landlord's old car and his wife's minivan were both now in the driveway. About a week later when I got home from work, the landlord was outside. I decided to take the opportunity to see if he was going to keep his word to me about being able to use the space between the garage and the shed (see above) to plant a small vegetable garden. He agreed, again, but we'll see what happens when it actually comes time to plant.

Like a kid with a new toy, he asked what I thought of his new car, a white Suzuki Firenza. I honestly told him I thought it was very nice. He started gushing about what a great deal he got on it, and how one of his friends got one two years ago and paid $20,000 for it, but he got this one for only $11,000.

Being the bitch that I am, I inquired if his old car had died. He explained that his younger son was going to be turning 17 and getting his license in July and would need his own car then. My face must have given me away, because he started stammering, "Oh, believe me, I didn't WANT to have to buy a new car, believe me, they're just giving them away, I couldn't pass up the deal".

Before I go any further, please let me say that if you can get a great deal on a car or a house or anything right now, good for you! It is a buyer's market, and if you have the money and/or the credit to take advantage of the sales going on all over the place, I'm happy for you!

But don't tell me you don't have the money to put into fixing up your own house and then turn around and buy a brand new $11,000 car because your son, who won't have his license for another four months, is going to need a car. The same kid that you won't even let ride his 10-speed out of the yard.

At least they better teach the kid how to park properly, or one of these days I swear I'm going to go out there with a can of yellow spray paint and put down lines.


Cora said...

Ooooh, that makes me MAD!! Douchey McDoucherson is a VERY good name for this guy! GRRRR.

Angie said...

Ugh. I would turn him in to the Landlord Association or whatever it is you have to register with to rent out property. And then I would SCOUR the area for a new place to live. I hate "the D word", but that guy deserves it!

LegalMist said...

I agree with Angie, except I would do it the opposite way -- find a new place to live, and THEN call the authorities re: his code violations.

You might also check the laws in your area. In some states, tenants have the right to pay a third party to fix dangerous and/or code-violating conditions in the house (plumbing problems, electrical issues, leaky roofs, etc), and withhold the amount paid from the rent. There are usually restrictions on it re: amount you can pay and the type of things you can fix, and also requirements about giving notice of the problem (should do it in writing so you have proof of it) before embarking on the repairs yourself. Comply carefully, but then perhaps you can have some of these things fixed whether he likes it or not.

Ron Centeno said...

That's not fair! You are paying and not living for free!

Gwen said...

Unbelieveable. The word douchebag was coined when he was born. Does he fail to realize that his side of the house will also burn to the ground when your side catches fire from bad wiring?

mike said...

My landlady is the same way. There are 3 parking spaces, all side by side, in our driveway. The one on the end is closest to the stairs, so she gets that one. The one on the other end is closest to the basement door, so her 19 year old daughter gets that one. The one in the middle is for me, but is ALWAYS blocked by one of them who decides to just park across all three instead. UGH!

Mary Alice said...

ooooohhh. I have steam coming out my ears FOR YOU. You are right. A total D-Bag. Keep your eyes open for a new place.

JoJo said...

Wow you are waaaaay more tolerant than I am. I would have had to have moved a long time ago than deal w/ a landlord like that. I HAD a landlord like that on the Cape.