Thursday, July 2, 2009

Actions speak louder than words

Remember my landlord, Douchey McDoucherson and the parking situation? I have never said a word to him in 3-1/2 years about it. But my nieces and sister are pretty vocal when they come over and can't find a place to park in our huge driveway, so maybe he overheard them.

I was out weeding my garden last Friday when Douchey came out to tell me that he had placed a big red bulls-eye on the concrete planter at the edge of my garden next to the trellis. He said he put it there so his son would have somewhere to aim when parking his car. He thought his son was parking too close to my car, which I didn't think was the problem but I kept my mouth shut. Remember that he came to me about this.

Douchey explained that with my car on the far right, and his son's car on the far left, his wife could still park next to the son's car and there would be enough room for "that girl" when she comes over. "That girl" being either of my adult nieces. Both come over EVERY Tuesday and assorted other times. (Totally off subject - he still calls my son Jeremy, which has not even once been his name in the 3-1/2 years that we've lived here.)

There is also plenty of room in front of the garage where Douchey keeps his new car, but no one dares park there for some dark unspoken reason. I'm guessing it's mostly because he's a douchebag.

Since last Friday, every time Mrs. McDoucherson has parked her minivan she has pulled head in - in the middle of the space between the son's car and mine - diagonally. Only the tiniest of cars could possibly fit on either side of her. I don't know if it's passive-aggressive, malicious or just stupid. One of my nieces thinks it's malicious. The other thinks Douchey told her how he wanted her to park and this is her way of rebelling against him, or maybe even against me. She always seems nice enough when we talk, which really isn't that often.

Tuesday night, one of my nieces sardined her car between the minivan and my car. I thought for sure she was going to have her daughters hit the minivan with their doors on purpose, but thankfully that wasn't the case. The other niece just parked on the street. While outside, one of the little nieces asked why and my older niece yelled at the top of her lungs, "cause there isn't any room to park in the driveway!".

Last night while in the kitchen making dinner, I saw the minivan pull in - driven by Douchey. I thought to myself, "Oh goody! He's backing it in - he's going to show his wife how it should be done!"


Say it with me now, "What a fucking douchebag..."

11 comments:

Whiskeymarie said...

I think the passive-aggressive/malicious/stupid question has been answered.

(d) All of the above.

Judi said...

Sayin' it with you... "What a fucking douchebag..." :)

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I'm thinking that guy is mistaking his cars for his penis again. It's about the power. He can't relinquish it to some WOMAN.

What a fucking douchebag. :)

Anonymous said...

Just wondering, but how is he being a douchebag in this exact situation. From the photo, he is being extremely considerate by giving space for your family. He could easily turn to his regular self and tell your family members just to park across the street.

Prunella Jones said...

Just reading about this guy gives me that not-so-fresh feeling.

mo.stoneskin said...

In such situations I find it best to give the subject the benefit of the doubt. I suspect that a zombie sucked his brain out through a straw slowly and painfully.

Fancy Schmancy said...

Yay, my first anonymous comment! Look at the picture again - right in the middle, no one can park on either side!

Shana said...

Yeah, a douchebag, all right.
The 'anonymous' person wasn't too smart.

Andrea said...

I would probably have to park in the middle a few times like they do just to show them what idiots they are being...because I'm nice like that. :D

Raine said...

What a douchebag, indeed!! I love your picture and labels! It really helps me see what a total douche he really is! :D

JoJo said...

What a fucking douchebag.