Friday, July 17, 2009

Reflection and instrospection

My brain has been on overdrive this week for reasons unknown. However, I have some ideas.

1. I think I'm trying to relive my life through my child.

If you are keeping score at home, you may have noticed that was only one idea. Yay for you! You win a prize! I'll tell you how to claim it later!

In the meantime, please try to focus on me and my almost mid-life crisis.

I guess I am having a hard time because I want so much for the boy. I want his life to be different than mine was when I was his age, or any age for that matter. I didn't even realize I was trying too hard. I was being myself, which, like I've said is cool one minute and embarrassing the next.

The fact that this normal teenage trait even bothered me showed me that something was wrong, with ME. Because, really, if you're embarrassing your teenager - you're doing something right. Am I right?

There is an extremely thin line between being the cool mom, and being one of his friends. I would like more than anything to be both, but I rationally know that's neither healthy nor practical. It's not that I'm having difficulty setting down rules and guidelines (I'm not that cool). It's more that I'm inserting myself too much into his personal space, and he's starting to resent it. Stupid Facebook. Considering that one of my major issues with my mother is her lack of boundaries, you would think I would know better.

But, goodness, the separation stings... I will always want him to be my baby. He's not having growing pains, I am. I distinctly remember someone talking about their teenagers, and thinking, "my boy will always want to cuddle on the couch with me, these people don't know what they're talking about."

Do you know what I would give to have my boy cuddle on the couch with me right now?

This song makes me cry, every time.


Judi said...

GOOD TUNE! Does she have a kid? Because I didn't think she did. How do they do that? Musicians, that is. How do they write songs that connect us to something and re-connect us to ourselves. Damn.

OK. On to your post... My two cents on boundaries - don't underestminate the power of the family of origin. MOST IMPORTANTLY you need to know that you are already different from your mother in that you are able to articulate the fear of being just like your mother. As hokey as it sounds, awareness really IS the first step.

Have you seen those commercials for becoming a foster parent? I love 'em. They have this tagline of "You don't have to be perfect to be a parent. A lot of kids would love to have you embarrass them... " or something. Your son is lucky-LUCKY-lucky to have you. Don't ever forget it.

Fancy Schmancy said...

Judi, I'm thinking she pulled this from her own childhood, or something.

Thanks for the vote of confidence that I'm not turning into my mother!

Judi said...

Oh yeah, duh. Why didn't I think of that? The possibility that she was drawing from her experience with her own family of origin. As I said (directed at myself) - DUH.

Not just a vote of confidence, by the way. A confident vote of confidence. :)

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Yeah, as much as I hate it when the lad climbs upon my lap and gouges my liver out through a pore with his sharp little elbows, I know in a few years he'll just want to borrow the car keys instead of sitting on dad's lap watching Spongebob.

Fancy Schmancy said...

mjenks, speaking from experience: everything that seems annoying as hell while you are living it eventually becomes a place you wish you could turn back time to when the teenage years get rough.

Mr. Condescending said...

Lol @jenks comment!

As the dad of a 6 and 2 year old, I try as much as possible to cherish these times.

Mr. Condescending said...

Lol @jenks comment!

As the dad of a 6 and 2 year old, I try as much as possible to cherish these times.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Don't cuddle him or leave comments on his Facebook page without his permission. He'll hate you for doing that.

Fancy Schmancy said...

Mr. C, I didn't even know you had kids! Learn something new every day!

GB, I have to ask for hugs, and sometimes he even hugs me back! And while I do monitor his FB page, I refrain from writing on his wall, except for his bday.

Cora said...

It goes by too fast, doesn't it?


Jodi said...

There are times when, as mothers, we all feel like we've failed in some way. I saw a quote the other day that perfectly fits. It was something like this - Children will never remember what their parents will never forget.

My interpretation of that is that the "awful" things we think we've done to our kids are things that only we seem to remember. Yes, there are terrible parents out there who do awful things to their kids, and THOSE kids will probably never forget. But the goofy things we do on a seemingly daily basis, aren't things our children remember.

Thank God!

Judi said...

My favorite parenting quote is something I read in a People magazine about 15-20 years ago. Michelle Pfeiffer had been interviewed and she commented on parenting with her husband David E. Kelly: "We just do the best we can and then pray we saved up enough for their therapy." I think that about sums it up for me.

Prunella Jones said...

You do sound like a very cool mom to me.

Dr Zibbs said...

I hear you. My 16 yearl old can be so damn moody these days and altough we've always been great friends I know that he hates me when I have to be strict.

I know he'll appreciate it some day.

And may I add that I'm so proud of him now because he's in 10th grade and just got a 5 on his AP history test (6 hour test) which means that when he starts college he'll start with a 4.0 in a history class.

Yes, my wife is smart and that's where he gets it..

Melissa said...

Oh I get it. I try over and over to be the cool mom...and i always get burned.

Of course the fact that she feels comfortable being a total jerk to me shows I am cool...right?

Right? ;)

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Oh Fancy-I am a mere year or two away from that same thing...

I think we all go through this in some way or another as our children become young adults.

Rest assured that you ARE providing everything for him possible to make him a well rouded man.

The rest of it? We'll learn as we go along.

Aunt Becky said...

Ben has been a teenager since he was small. It hurts so much sometimes.

Hazwani said...

Awww... this is so sweet. I really don't know whether I'm being a good enough child to my parents. Hmm.... I try my best though..