Monday, October 6, 2008

Keep it in your sneaker

After my father, Horhay, moved out of my mother's house he was a fleeting presence in my life. He was supposed to have custody of those of us under 18 on an every other weekend schedule. But for the most part, it was not enforced. It would have gotten in the way of his drinking. No one wanted to get in the way of Horhay's drinking. By the time I was 14, I was the only one left under the age of 18.

My father was living with a woman, Bee. I will not say much about Bee, other than she was younger than my father, and had no children of her own at the time.
I have to say that she tried with me, and I did not usually repay her very nicely with my teenage hostility. It must have been quite an adjustment to suddenly have teenage step-children, and also step-grandchildren calling her Grandma Bee.

(On a side note, they eventually married and had a child together. When my little brother was born, I was 16. Kouf was 26 and her husband was the same age as her step-mother. My little brother was born with 2 nieces and step-niece, all older than him.)

Between the ages of 12-14, I started spending a good amount of time over there on the weekends. They let me drink beer and smoke cigarettes, and sometimes Bee and I would smoke pot. Sure I had to listen to the drunken screaming matches sometimes, but it was like staying with a kinda cool aunt. It also gave me the chance to get to know my father, whom I previously only saw on holidays.

At one point, my father decided to give me "the talk". It went something like this - Keep It In Your Sneaker. Already long knowing about the birds and the bees, I still had no idea what he was talking about. My mother had given me the clinical version in fourth grade. Anatomically, I had nothing to keep in my sneaker. Do they really have thingies that are long enough to keep in their sneaker? Does it hurt when they walk?

Asking for clarification, I was told, "All a boy wants to do is get in your pants. Look at me, I'm a 48 year old man and I'm still trying to get into the pants of anything that moves." Um, thanks, dad. That's a visual image I'll never be able to get out of my head.

I pretty much have had no idea what Keep It In Your Sneaker meant all these years until I started searching around on the net recently. It apparently refers to being a kid and your parents might tell you to put money or keys in your sneaker. Keep it out of sight so no one can get it/steal it. More broadly used to mean keep a secret, keep it on the DL but in a much more Leave it Beaver way. (Yes, I did just manage to put the word beaver on a post about the sex talk.)

Has anyone else heard this phrase? Especially in reference to sex?

How did your parents explain it to you?


Dr Zibbs said...

He should have just played the video I put on my blog. As for my talk, I've been meaning to write about it. The end of the conversation was..."and that's why son you should never punch a woman in the stomach." I shit you not.

Fancy Schmancy said...

Awww, Zibbs, we come from equally dysfunctional homes. How endearing. Honestly, I wanted to put on there that your last post reminded me of something I had started about 3 months ago. But if I keep talking about your blog on my blog, people are going to think I'm stalking you. Even if it is true. I obviously have to check your archives.

Anonymous said...

they didn't explain anything..AT ALL... what I learned was "on the street"..rumors from friends w/ older siblings.

I used to keep things in my money and keys.

I grew up in the catholic: don't drink, don't smoke, don't cuss family. That is why I became such a fricking idiot..

JoJo said...

No, i've never heard of that one before...not even from my depression-era parents. It was always, "keep it on the QT". As to the sex talk, I got that from my Campfire Girls leader, then we saw "the film" in 5th grade, which I and my friends giggled thru. I was too embarrassed to discuss it w/ my parents, esp. my mom. No wonder I screamed bloody murder when I got the curse in 6th grade. I had no idea what was happening to me at all.

"Ward, you were a little hard on the beaver last night".....

Fancy Schmancy said...

MP, I'm sure they just didn't want to scare you.

Jojo, apparently they DID want to scare you! LMAO on your last sentence. Too cute!

Imez said... that supposed to be George in spanish? Or am I dense for even asking?

THAT is a term that needs to come back. long did you keep it in your Sneaker, Fancy Lady?

Fancy Schmancy said...

Imez, Horhay is just what we call him, it's not his real name and it's not the correct Spanish spelling, either. I have a bunch of previous posts on him if you clicky the label Horhay.

I kept it in my sneaker until right before I turned 16. I was a pretty wild teen.

Dr Zibbs said...

Fancy, I think it's obvious you're stalking me. As a reward, you've been mentioned in today's post.

Aunt Becky said...

My mother, "You know, when you want to have sex, just tell me so I can take you to the MD and put you on the pill."

End of discussion.

Kathy said...

I've never heard this in reference to anything! Learn something new every day. " Does it hurt when they walk?" *snickers*

Fancy Schmancy said...

Becky, your mom was a rebel. That's awesome.

Kathy, this was something I'd rather not have learned from my father. Ever.

Anonymous said...

Keep it in your sneaker is what we said to each other in high school...late 60's. It meant 'keep your one condom in your sneaker',,,,,as in don't have sex...keep a cool tool...that sort of thing....