Things to be thankful for

I complain an awful lot. Have you ever noticed that? Just kidding - of course you have. That is one of the reasons I haven't been posting lately. I'm sick of hearing myself whine, so I figure, "why would anyone else want to hear it?". Thank you to the people that have emailed me, I appreciate it. The thing is, I can't seem to get myself out of my dark place lately, so I've been avoiding this blog like the plague. The worm may have turned, so I'm going to post a few things that I am extremely grateful for.

My son's knee is on the road to recovery. The MRI showed that he had no bone chips, he does have a deep bone bruise, the ligament is stretched pretty badly, but not completely torn off, and they think the cartilage is okay. There is one line that looks iffy, but apparently it's not uncommon in boys his age - when they are growing that fast, their bodies can't always keep up. He's started doing physical therapy 3x a week at a rehab facility, the other 2 days he's exercising with the trainer at school who actually works for the same rehab facility.

He's on the short brace now, which he hates, but that's only until the PT/trainer people tell him can stop using it unless he's actually running or exercising. The orthopedic doctor wrote the script for 4 weeks, we see him again at the end of October. Hopefully the boy'll have a clean bill of health at that point. The only reason they would want another MRI is if he's still having any problems at that time, without the brace on. I'm keeping my fingers (and toes) crossed that it gets taken care of completely now, without any long term effects.

Other things I'm grateful for include my girlfriend and her husband giving my son guitar lessons every weekend for free; one of my sisters finding a possible place in town that will give my son formal lessons in the winter on a sliding scale or scholarship; another girlfriend letting me borrow money in cash, and then her credit card also when I really needed it; the prez of my company offering to give me my "end of the year" bonus early when he found out I was in really tough financial straights - on the day when they laid off 6 people; the fact that I still have a job; the prez offering to pay for courses in Quickbooks so I could maybe start a side business as a bookkeeper to offset my full time wages; a lady at the rehab facility tonight who turns out to be the wife of the head of the sports dept. telling me that the school's insurance should help me cover the co-pays, which total $450 just in what has already occured or what is scheduled in appointments so far... I have been so unbelievably blessed. That is the way I choose to see it, right now.

I have a bad habit of only looking at the glass as half empty, and I have a nasty, quick temper. Things can go from placid to really bad pretty quickly around here. Case in point: my special sister is living with me. I'm so grateful that she empties the garbage every day and does her best to fill the dishwasher - but only on weekdays. She has it in her head that we agreed when we moved in together that she would only do these things on the weekdays. I have tried to tell her many times since that I still cook every day, so she should still do the dishes every day. She is adament against it, so I have cooked and cleaned up the dishes on my days off. She has even gone so far as to claim she is too sick to do the dishes if I get a 3-day weekend.

Apparently, the last time that happened, I was cursing and yelling and banging things so much in the kitchen that I scared her. When she went to say good night to me, she started crying. I gave her a hug and a kiss, and asked her why she was crying. She said it was because I scared her, that I was so angry in the kitchen and she thought it was because I was angry at her. Well it was, but I didn't mean to scare someone who is basically a child! What is wrong with me?!

When I'm actually getting some sleep without wondering where the money is coming from for the next big thing, I'm not really all that bad as a person. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever change, be able to change, be in a position to change. When I'm feeling the squeeze, I can't even remotely find the light at the end of the tunnel to hang on to. When I do see the light, it's beautiful and I am able to remind myself of the times I have seen it in the past and how I might feel in the future.

When will the future ever come?