Thursday, September 24, 2009

Things to be thankful for

I complain an awful lot. Have you ever noticed that? Just kidding - of course you have. That is one of the reasons I haven't been posting lately. I'm sick of hearing myself whine, so I figure, "why would anyone else want to hear it?". Thank you to the people that have emailed me, I appreciate it. The thing is, I can't seem to get myself out of my dark place lately, so I've been avoiding this blog like the plague. The worm may have turned, so I'm going to post a few things that I am extremely grateful for.

My son's knee is on the road to recovery. The MRI showed that he had no bone chips, he does have a deep bone bruise, the ligament is stretched pretty badly, but not completely torn off, and they think the cartilage is okay. There is one line that looks iffy, but apparently it's not uncommon in boys his age - when they are growing that fast, their bodies can't always keep up. He's started doing physical therapy 3x a week at a rehab facility, the other 2 days he's exercising with the trainer at school who actually works for the same rehab facility.

He's on the short brace now, which he hates, but that's only until the PT/trainer people tell him can stop using it unless he's actually running or exercising. The orthopedic doctor wrote the script for 4 weeks, we see him again at the end of October. Hopefully the boy'll have a clean bill of health at that point. The only reason they would want another MRI is if he's still having any problems at that time, without the brace on. I'm keeping my fingers (and toes) crossed that it gets taken care of completely now, without any long term effects.

Other things I'm grateful for include my girlfriend and her husband giving my son guitar lessons every weekend for free; one of my sisters finding a possible place in town that will give my son formal lessons in the winter on a sliding scale or scholarship; another girlfriend letting me borrow money in cash, and then her credit card also when I really needed it; the prez of my company offering to give me my "end of the year" bonus early when he found out I was in really tough financial straights - on the day when they laid off 6 people; the fact that I still have a job; the prez offering to pay for courses in Quickbooks so I could maybe start a side business as a bookkeeper to offset my full time wages; a lady at the rehab facility tonight who turns out to be the wife of the head of the sports dept. telling me that the school's insurance should help me cover the co-pays, which total $450 just in what has already occured or what is scheduled in appointments so far... I have been so unbelievably blessed. That is the way I choose to see it, right now.

I have a bad habit of only looking at the glass as half empty, and I have a nasty, quick temper. Things can go from placid to really bad pretty quickly around here. Case in point: my special sister is living with me. I'm so grateful that she empties the garbage every day and does her best to fill the dishwasher - but only on weekdays. She has it in her head that we agreed when we moved in together that she would only do these things on the weekdays. I have tried to tell her many times since that I still cook every day, so she should still do the dishes every day. She is adament against it, so I have cooked and cleaned up the dishes on my days off. She has even gone so far as to claim she is too sick to do the dishes if I get a 3-day weekend.

Apparently, the last time that happened, I was cursing and yelling and banging things so much in the kitchen that I scared her. When she went to say good night to me, she started crying. I gave her a hug and a kiss, and asked her why she was crying. She said it was because I scared her, that I was so angry in the kitchen and she thought it was because I was angry at her. Well it was, but I didn't mean to scare someone who is basically a child! What is wrong with me?!

When I'm actually getting some sleep without wondering where the money is coming from for the next big thing, I'm not really all that bad as a person. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever change, be able to change, be in a position to change. When I'm feeling the squeeze, I can't even remotely find the light at the end of the tunnel to hang on to. When I do see the light, it's beautiful and I am able to remind myself of the times I have seen it in the past and how I might feel in the future.

When will the future ever come?


Cora said...

I was thinking about you today, wondering if you were okay. And look, here you are! :-)

You're absolutely right, focusing on the positive things makes all the difference in the world (although it's not always easy to do!)

And I'm so thrilled your son is getting those guitar lessons he wanted. That made me tear up a little bit. Awwwww.

Shana said...

Money is always a problem. There never seems to be enough.

Yay to the lessons

Keep the positive in your sights. It helps.

Paige said...

Im glad things are turning for you--perspective is such a weird thing, huh?

Glad you are back

Char said...

So good you're back and that your son is doing well. Hang in there, and try considering a half-full glass more often. Great post.

BeckEye said...

I have a bad habit of dwelling on the negative too. It's just easier sometimes. Music always helps. I know that probably sounds stupid, but it really does.

LegalMist said...

Sounds like you really have your hands full. And no one is perfect. Don't be so hard on yourself. Your sister likely forgave you quickly for the outburst, once you apologized. So lighten up and forgive yourself, too.

Hang in there. Money issues are enough to drive anyone to the brink.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

This sounds so cliche, but when things get tough, it's when you find out what you're really made of.

Sounds like you have some wonderful support surrounding you which is always a good thing.

Dr. Martin Luther King said,"Every crisis has both it's dangers and it's opportunities".

This too shall pass, Fance, I promise.

Cowguy said...

The good always outweighs the bad.

Well, unless you've just been mowed down by the Amtrak. That's different.

Smootches and stuff.

Jacquie said...

BeckEye is right. Music helps. Find your favorite CD, dim the lights, and just listen. If you leave your world for a little while, it really seems like a nicer place when you return. Hugs to you.

Jacquie said...

BeckEye is right. Music helps. Find your favorite CD, dim the lights, and just listen. If you leave your world for a little while, it really seems like a nicer place when you return. Hugs to you.

Sassy DaffyKassy said...

Nantz, I feel so sad reading this. I wish I could help but feel so helpless. Just know I love you. A link our cousin recently sent comes to mind in response to this blog, it's an anonymous Irish Blessing translated by Charles Mitchell, the link brings you to a beautiful video with Irish music :
My wish for you
I wish you not a path devoid of clouds, nor a life on a bed of roses,
Not that you might never need regret,
nor that you should never feel pain.
No, that is not my wish for you.
My wish for you is:
That you might be brave in times of trial,
when others lay crosses upon your shoulders.
When mountains must be climbed and chasms are to be crossed,
When hope can scarce shine through.
That every gift God gave you might grow with you
and let you give your gift of joy to all who care for you.
That you may always have a friend who is worth that name,
whom you can trust and who helps you in times of sadness,
Who will defy the storms of daily life at your side.
One more wish I have for you:
That in every hour of joy and pain you may feel God close to you.
This is my wish for you and for all who care for you.
This is my hope for you now and forever.

mo.stoneskin said...

It's good to be thankful, and I'm not very good at it, but I don't think you whine much, or at least if you do, I enjoy it. ;)

Ebony Haywood said...

Hey Fancy Schmancy!

Okay, so when all this is over, because this will all be over, you must treat yourself to a full day at the spa complete with drinks, chocolate and a sexy, male massuese who's really good with his hands. ;)

Raine said...

I missed you!! You can whine and complain to us anytime :D I feel like that is all I do sometimes too. The nice thing about a blog, I have noticed, is that you can tell or not tell. With friends who you call, you have to fill them in on everything - so I avoid talking to people I havent talked to in a while, but with the blog, you only say what you want to.

Is this helping or am i rambling?

Try not to be too hard on yourself, seems like you have a lot going on - and things will get better. Sounds like there are some great people around you to be thankful for.

~E said...

I think you have been blessed with some truly wonderful people in your life Auntie... Im glad you are able to see the light sometimes and realize it's not always so bad.

I hope things continue to look up for you, I really do. And when in doubt...pray. To whoever it is you believe in. Sometimes it's not really the "person" you are praying to that matters, just knowing that someone out there is listening to you is enough.

If all else fails, pray to me...Ill hear you and Im always here! ;)

Jodi said...

We find in life, that we feel the most helpless at the things in life of which we have no control. The ONLY thing we are guaranteed in life to have control over, is ourselves. Not to sound unsympathetic (although I am known for just that), but your life won't change until you decide it's time. Only YOU have control over your actions/reactions. You can't control money, events that happen, or anyone else - what you can control, is your reaction to those things.

When you decide it's time, you're going to find the happiness and contentment that has eluded you! Good luck Fancy!

JoJo said...

I feel your pain, Fancy, as a "glass half empty gal" myself. And as one who has also had a pretty shitty year, there IS a light at the end of the tunnel, and I can confirm that it's not a train.

mike said...

My glass is always either all full or all empty. So when I get a half of either, I don't know how to react.

Speaking of which, I think you are right about the dishes on the weekend. Good luck with all of it...

LegalMist said...

Hey, Fancy, just checking in. I hope things are going better for you. Let us know what's up...

Dr Zibbs said...

Stop complaining.

Nanaa. Naaaa. Naaaa.

LegalMist said...

Just checking in again. You haven't moved and started a new blog somewhere else, have you? If you have, will you tell me where? You can email me at legalmist - gmail.

Hope all is well.

JoJo said...


Alex said...

Sending good thoughts your way, sure do miss your blogging! Hope to see you back soon.

LegalMist said...

Hi again... still wondering what's up. I hope you are ok. check in sometime & give us an update!