Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Totally awkward Tuesday

Continuing a tradition started by Tova Darling, here is my weekly awkward moment. Amazingly, this one wasn't even my fault!

In 1993 I decided to get my first tattoo. My best buddy at the time, who had many tattoos herself, set up an appointment for me with her tattoo artist, The Wizard. He was just setting up a new shop, and I may have been one of his first customers at the new location. The Wizard agreed to open the place off-hours for me so I could have some privacy.

I wanted something discreet, and private. I would know it was there, but no one else would unless I chose to show it to them. I got a small tattoo on my lower abdomen, a little above the hair line on my right pelvic bone. Holy crap, did that hurt!

The Wizard, being a man of few words, waited until after he finished to give me 2 pieces of his wisdom. The first, "That was one of the most painful spots you could have chosen to get a tattoo.". Thanks for waiting until after to share that with me. The second, "Boy are you going to regret that if you ever get pregnant.". No problem, I didn't plan on ever having children. I rocked my bikini after that with my tat showing when I wanted it to!

A year and a half later, I'd gained 80 pounds and my tattoo had stretch marks running through it. My very private tattoo, and a lot of other very private things were all on display for a roomful of people. As I prepared to push an alien with a shoulder circumference of 14 centimeters out of a hole that had only dilated 10 centimeters, the delivering obstetrician decided it would be a good time to pay me a compliment.

Dumbass said, "I like your whale tattoo!"

Mid-contraction, I responded, or possibly screamed, "IT WAS A DOOOOLLLPHIIIINNN!".

The next tattoo I got was on the ankle. No stretch marks there.

16 comments:

Bella@That damn expat said...

ahahahaha

Too funny!

Sass said...

*snicker snicker* "I like your whale tattoo."

And I can say...that is definitely ONE of the most painful places to get them. ;)

Dr Zibbs said...

Hahahahaha! You had me laughing out loud on that one!!

raf said...

Ah ah ah!I Love it!Really funny!
I got a tattoo behind a shoulder and I got asleep while he was doing it!!(it took one hour to make it)

Moi said...

hilarious!!! great post!

Moi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Angie said...

I would have kicked the OB in the face. Did you kick him in the face? Jeez, you think he'd've known better.

Tova Darling said...

Haha! Oh no!!

Also, I can't believe the tattoo artist didn't tell you that! My friend got a tattoo there, and the tattoo artist actually made her go home and think about it for 24 hours to decide if she was really sure she wanted it there. (She came back the next day and got it anyway.)

Morgan the Muse said...

jerk. Why did he wait to tell you that after he had started? At least, you learned your lesson. Still, ow.

Laura said...

LOL

JoJo said...

Thanks Fancy, I need that laugh!!!

Gwen said...

HAHAHA! A friend of mine got a moon and stars around her belly button. We called it her galaxy when she was pregnant.

Ryan Ashley Scott@Optimistic Cynicism said...

Did you "accidentally" kick the doctor after the baby came? Whoops! Was that your face, doc?

Funny story, but only because it didn't happen to me. Nice of you to share.

LegalMist said...

too funny. Is the good Doctor still alive after that comment, made to a woman in labor? If so, it is a testament to your amazing good nature. :)

Cora said...

Hee hee hee!! Totally laughing out loud here. That was GREAT!

Scope said...

I once had the mispleasure to see what I can only imagine used to be a rose bud on a young woman's breast, but time and gravity had morphed into a long stemmed rose.

I luckily that was the groom's side, and I was on the bride's side.