Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Totally awkward Tuesday

Tova Darling started a great new thing called Totally Awkward Tuesday. I have a feeling I am going to excel at this game! Yay, me!

A few years ago, I was totally crushing on a guy at work. His name was Larry. Actually it still is. As I have mentioned previously, I made a decision many years ago not to date any longer. I especially am not going to date someone I work with. Never, ever shit where you eat, people. Never. One of the many reasons I don't date any longer is because I have lousy taste in men. Larry was definitely a bad boy. I can't help an attraction, I can only control how I react to it.

He was a little older, made no effort to hide the fact that he drank too much and loved the weed, had a great sense of humor and a bad temper, wore cowboy boots with faded jeans and a leather belt, and had piercing blue eyes and graying hair. It worked for him, and Boy, Oh, Boy did it work for me.

We enjoyed a work camaraderie, nothing special, and I made certain not to put myself in any situations where I would feel awkward or go out of my way to embarrass myself. No happy hours with the crew for me - I have a child at home, I don't drink and drive. No going to summer parties at co-workers' houses - I don't drive at night. Oh, Larry lives near you, he can take you home - I already have plans, thanks.

Out of the blue on a Saturday afternoon, Larry called my unlisted home number, which I did not give to him. We chatted for a minute about nothing in particular while my mind was racing. How did he get my number, and Why on Earth was he calling me? There was an uncomfortable pause in the conversation, and then it hit me. Oh my god, he was going to ask me out! My mouth got dry and my heart felt like it was in my throat. How was I going to turn him down? Was I going to be able to turn him down? Unbidden thoughts of his ass and long legs in faded Levis flashed in front of my eyes.

He stammered, "Um, I got your number from Janet..." fellow co-worker and friend, "and, um, you know it's just my teenage son and I at my house, and I know you're a single mother...". For fuck's sake, hurry up already and ask me out! "So, um, I was wondering if you would be interested..." yes, go on... "I was wondering if you would be willing to come over once a week and clean our house. I would pay you. I thought you could use the money, and Janet agreed when I asked her for your number. If not, can you recommend someone?"

Awkward for me, at least. Thank goodness he never found out what was really happening on the other end of the phone!

13 comments:

Bella@That damn expat said...

Oh that's awkward.

Really, at least he didn't know what you thought.

Dr Zibbs said...

Haaaaaa!!! You should have showed up in a French Maid's outfit. ...You did didn't you?

This remind me of a story that I may post.

Fancy Schmancy said...

That would have been a great idea, Zibbs. Instead, I gave my niece his number and she happily took his money for many months.

Laura said...

OMG - well at least you saved some face by not letting on what you were thinking!

Jannie Funster said...

Oh no - clean his house! Thank God you were patient enough to have heard him out, is right.

Fancy Schmancy said...

I forgot, also, that I called Janet and bitched her our for not giving me a heads-up in advance!

Gwen said...

BWAHAHAHA! Thank God you had the restrain not to say anything until you knew for certain what he wanted. I'd have stuck my entire foot in my mouth.

Morgan the Muse said...

Oh, man! That sucks. But hey, extra money, right?

Tova Darling said...

Hahaha! Oh no!! Yeah.. it's a really good thing you didn't start with an "I'm not dating now" speech before he got to the real question.

Imez said...

That is...so heartbreaking. I mean, I guess he didn't do anything wrong. But yet, he still did. Truly. What a ponce.

Angie said...

LOL..that's hilarious. Good thing you let your niece take the job...can you imagine how many other akward conversations that would have brought up? Too funny. :)

JoJo said...

hahahahahahahahaha You must be so glad you didn't say, "Let me cut to the chase, I'm not interested in dating right now." LOL

words words words said...

Oh my God, how awkward! At least you got a funny story out of it and he didn't find out. Hey, a funny story is usually more than people get out of most first dates.