Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Totally awkward Tuesday

Tova Darling runs a weekly embarrassment fest called Totally Awkward Tuesday. This is my weekly entry.

Do you remember grade school? Do you remember that although some kids were on the fringes, most kids were either in or they were out? I remember the school that I was in from 2nd-7th grade. Even though it was a small town, and each grade had only 30-40 kids in it, it was extremely divided in terms of who was popular and who was not. The wealthier and more good looking kids rose to the top, then the athletic kids and the outgoing kids. Down around the bottom were the kids like me.

I was never one of the wealthy kids. I was also never one of the athletic kids, although I tried. I played softball, I took dance lessons, I tried out for cheerleading. Nothing fixes clumsy, and I will always be a clumsy person, without grace, no matter how hard I try.

I never wore the right clothes, my family didn't have the money for the right Jordache jeans or the popular hairstyles. Even though I tried by being part of the choir and the drama club, I was painfully shy, and quite honestly I was one of the weird kids.

I never knew how to behave normally in front of people, and still don't. My usual response is to clam up so I don't embarrass myself any more than is necessary. Add to that, I started to gain weight in third grade, and around the same time I had to start wearing glasses.

Fast forward to fifth grade. We're halfway through the year, and having a test in math. I don't know why I remember that I was wearing brown corduroys and a red sweater, but there it is. Picture a quiet classroom, everyone intent on their test in front of them. Picture me, the clumsy girl, dropping my pencil. Of course, the pencil rolled out into the aisle, so I had to get up and go retrieve it.

Then picture me bending over, in brown corduroys, in the middle of a quiet test-taking classroom to retrieve my pencil, and involuntarily passing gas. Loudly. I never felt it coming, and I will never forget the sound of laughter afterward.

From that day on I was known as "Farty-four-eyes". I'm so glad we moved at the end of 7th grade...

22 comments:

Janie at Sounding Forth said...

Oh, Lord. I hate it when that kind of stuff happens.

The stories I could tell on myself...

Sass said...

Oh that is horrible. Horrible.

In 6th grade, everyone hated me, like, a lot. And someone passed gas SOOOOO loud I swear it shook the floors, and then pointed at me and said I did it.

My response? Turn red, and cry.

I did a lot of that in 6th grade.

Thank goodness you moved! ;)

Anne said...

that is terrible! kids can be so mean.

Dr Zibbs said...

The only great thing about this story is that it didn't happen to me.

Also, my son - who's about the same age as your says farting in front of people is not that big of a deal anymore.

Dr Zibbs said...

And thanks for the story farty four eyes.

Moi said...

that is awful!

Dr Zibbs said...

Just wrote a post and mentioned you.

LegalMist said...

Oh how awful, and how awfully hilarious all these years later...

A friend of mine in college used to fart loudly, then if anyone laughed she'd say "Hey, I'm the one who should be laughing. Right now, particles from my butt are entering your nose!"

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Ohhh nooo Fancy!! You poor thing. You know there was always one kid in school who accidentally farted and sneezed at the same time, and the entire student body never let them live it down.

I'm sorry for that. Kids sometimes suck.

JoJo said...

Oh maaaaan......that sucks. I would have DIED. I'm really sorry that happened to you. You were lucky you moved.

Gwen said...

Farting was so funny to my family that I was never embarrassed by it. I'm not sure if that's a good thing, though.

Kim said...

Something similar happened to me in first grade, but at that age, nobody cared and nobody remembered it. Lucky me.

raf said...

OMG..I know the feeling, when everybody laugh about you!One of the worst, that is not so difficult to forget!

Grant Miller said...

Can we still call you that?

Snarky A. said...

That really is a nick name worth moving to get rid off.

Fabulously awkward!

Ron Centeno said...

Hahahahaha! It could not have happened at a more appropriate time when you get all the attention...undivided attention.

Cora said...

Oh Fancy! I feel your pain. I think we've all been there at some point. For me it was trying to teach a class of preschoolers after a chilli lunch. Imagine that and having 15 three year olds bursting out laughing. No point in teaching anything else for the rest of the day after THAT! I just let 'em play for the rest of the day! Hee hee. Too bad neither of us got our moments on tape - we could've made $100,000 on America's Funniest Home Videos. They LOVE that kind of stuff!

Fancy Schmancy said...

You guys are AWESOME! All it took was me posting a story about passing gas to get me up to my all time high of 17 comments! If I had known "my smelly ass" as Zibbs called it would make you all react this way, I would have talked about it way sooner. That smelly ass follows me wherever I go.

And, incidentally, mean kids suck, still!

Paige said...

Aint that about right--you get people to pay attention to you and FART. That would so happen to me.

Coolred38 said...

That was YOUUUU?

(poor you) :(

I dare say every person on the planet has had a "gas moment"...but kids are cruel...oh so cruel.

mike said...

I remember middle school (6-8th grade) being especially awkward. I think it's like that for everyone. Things definately turned out well as each grade passed, but those were tough years! Zibbs' kid is right. Now I think farting in class MAKES you cool.

Tova Darling said...

Oh no!! That must've been awful for you! It's a good thing you moved!

On the bright side, you're now an amazingly fabulous blogger, and it gives you something to blog about.