Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Bathroom issues

Do you know people with severe, debilitating bathroom issues? I don't mean IBS or Crohn's disease, I'm talking the kind of people who's psychological issues create physical ones. I'll admit that I'm not happy if I have to drop the kids off at the pool when I'm in a public stall, especially if there are other people in the bathroom. However, if I have to go, I will.

There is only one designated bathroom for the ladies in our building at work, which happens to be right across from where I sit. There are 3 other bathrooms that can be used in an emergency. Each of the 4 bathrooms in the building are single bathrooms with locks on the doors, it's just that 3 of them have the addition of a urinal in them.

Working in a small office, one can become uncomfortably familiar with a coworker's bathroom habits. As I have found out, the worse a person's bathroom issues are, the more they want to talk about them. One particular lady who used to work here, Colleen, was the kind of person who would wait until the last possible minute to go. She would then sprint across the building and down the stairs to get to the designated woman's room. If it was occupied, she would stand there with her legs crossed doing the potty dance until it became free. If she had to do more than go potty, she would sit bent over in one of the chairs in the lobby holding her belly and groaning. It was like dealing with a child. To make matters worse, if she could hear people talking either outside the bathroom door or in the room next to the bathroom, she couldn't let go and go no matter how badly she had to go.

As Colleen was a sales person, and one who lived 45 minutes away, she didn't always come to the office every day. So I was very surprised that she showed up the day we were scheduled to have the toilet replaced in the designated woman's room. Apparently no one thought to tell her in advance, because really, no one else thought it was that big of a deal. The first time she came down to go potty, she found out there was literally no toilet in the woman's room and she flipped. We all were using the men's room with no problem, but when we suggested it to her she insisted, "I could NEVER sit down next to a urinal!".

As it turned out, they had trouble installing the toilet and the parts wouldn't come in until the next day. That meant no bathroom in the woman's room until the next day, either. Colleen started moaning and groaning about how much her belly hurt because she had to poop, but she still wouldn't use the men's room. I proposed she take a short drive to McDonald's but you may have guessed by now that she couldn't possibly poop in a public place, either. At that point I gave up. If you want to hold it and be in pain, have at it.

I found out the next day that she held it all day long and then the 45 minute ride home also. I had no sympathy for her silliness. As a matter of fact, I dubbed her "sphincter of steel" from that point on. And I thought I had issues...


Cora said...

Dang. Now, THAT is anal. I can't help but wonder who potty trained her - Hitler?!

The only things that would stop me using a restroom are a lack of toilet paper or a drastic, foul mess. Otherwise, bring it on.

Scope said...

Some people just shouldn't be allowed out in public.

I think she needs to be shown a Port-O-Potty under the grand stands at a county fair. Then she will appreciate any sort of indoor plumbing.

BeckEye said...

No one likes to squeeze out a work poop, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

Actually, I take that back. Some people actually DO like the work poop. Usually men. Only men can get away with picking up a newspaper and announcing to someone, "I'll be back in about a half hour."