Thursday, August 20, 2009

Envy

I've had a couple of people ask where I've been. Thank you for your concern, everything is okay.

Things have been strange, and I'm having trouble adjusting. Mom and my sister, Shoufie, arrived home about a month ago. Mom stayed in my room, so I didn't really have as much access to my desktop as I would have liked. Mom is gone, now, but Shoufie remains. Shoufie is my special sister that lives with me. Which presents a whole new set of problems. For both me and my son.

Add to that I've recently been reacquainted with some old girlfriends on facebook. While I'm extremely happy for them that they are doing well, I'm envious as hell of their life styles. And I've been reluctant to talk about it. Hello? Pity party of one? We have a seat for you!

Why the hell was I not born as smart as the girlfriend who makes more in one week than I do in a month? We're both single mothers, our kids are 3 months apart. Yet, she's a brainiac that travels the world doing computer jobs and I'm still trying to figure out how I'm going to pay the electric and cable, and get my son uniforms and books in time for school to start.

The worst part about the money situation is the poor kid had someone give him a guitar. All the kid has wanted since his birthday is guitar lessons, which I cannot afford. Football starts on Monday, which is the only sport the kid plays, and I cannot afford that either. The kid deserves so much better. I'm having a difficult time rectifying my issues. My son deserves so much better than what I am able to give him. I would give him the world if it was within my reach. It is not.

I'm overwhelmed right now. And I'm probably going to wish I hadn't shared all of this. Even reading other people's blogs seems like too much, never mind commenting on them.

Never mind dealing with the special sister who keeps tattling on the teenager because she is mentally younger than he is. And dealing with the teenager who can't stand having his special aunt living with him.

So, I'm envious of people with more money than me, I'm envious of people who don't have special sisters living with them, I'm envious of people who have extra bedrooms for their mother to stay in, blah, blah, blah.

I guess this is a start. Admitting the envy is a way to overcome it. If you're my friend on facebook, you know I'm playing a lot of the game Mafia Wars. It's an easy fix to a complex situation. It doesn't require anything more from me than showing up. And right now that seems to be all I can handle.

18 comments:

Some Guy said...

I was wondering why I hadn't seen any posts from you lately. I hope good (or at least better) things await you, FS.

Mr. Condescending said...

fancy, I was gonna email you today, wondering where the heck you were! :(

I think it's good that you let it out on here, because all of us I'm sure will give you some kind words and support. You're not homeless or starving, or in physical danger, so you're in better shape than those people.

Judi said...

Sheesh. I can identify. Hey, I play Mafia Wars on Facebook. We should become part of each others Mafia. How do we do that? If I tell you my mafia name, however, you'll actually see a picture of me...

Hazwani said...

Hey, Fancy. How do you do? :)

I hope you will find a solution to your issues right now. I did notice you were missing for quite some time. Anyway, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your son. Always.

Take care.

Janie at Sounding Forth said...

I've been missing you, but have had some drama of my own, so I can't even gripe! Had to challenge myself to 30 days straight to even make myself get back to posting...

Andrea said...

Glad you're back but wish things weren't so shi##y! Here's hoping things ease a bit for you.

Re: your son and football. Sometimes athletic departments have a scholarship fund sponsored by local businesses and private citizens for athletes who can't afford to play. It's always discretionary! You may want to contact the athletic director to see if it's an option for you. :)

Jocelyn said...

Glad to hear from you! Keep your chin up.

Gwen said...

It's okay to entertain the little green monster now and again but don't forget that the grass isn't necessarily always greener. Your friend the brainiac? Yeah, she makes a lot of money but more money means more responsibility. For example, her job requires her to travel a lot which means she doesn't get to have dinner at home with her kids every night.

So yeah, wallow in it. Sometimes you need to. Play Mafia Wars to distract yourself. But don't wallow forever or lose sight of the wonderful things you do have.

Jacquie said...

I stumbled onto your blog just recently and really enjoy your writing, your insight, and your sense of humor. Those are qualities a lot of people don't have, so keep your head up. If you pass those on to your son, it's the best gift you could give him.

kate said...

Jodi just asked me yesterday where you were and I said "Playing f'ing Mafia Wars on FB!" ;) I understand, now, though. Sometimes you just need a diversion from reality because reality? Sucks sometimes. A Lot. Especially money. If it makes you feel better, there are so many people in the same boat, love. Me, for sure.

As far as your statement about your son deseving better: we all know people who have lots of money and the big house(s), boats, cars, toys, etc. But you know what their kids want? For their parents so SEE them, to know them. But those parents are so busy working and traveling and networking on the golf course that they don't have time for their kids.

Some of the best, smartest, kindest and most successful people in the world have been raised by single mothers (like Obama and Clinton and endless musicians and artists etc.) Those kids may not get everything they WANT, but they get what they NEED, which makes them better people in the long run.

You're an amazing person, Nance. Hang in there.

JoJo said...

And I'm envious that you still have a Facebook profile to play on.

Still no word if or when I'll ever get my profile back.....I've been hearing the standard punishment is 2 weeks. *rolls eyes*

Anywho, I'm sorry you are having a rough time. But take it from me, money does not buy happiness. I've walked away from 2 extremely high paying jobs b/c I was miserable in my personal life. I'd rather make $8 an hour and be content than make tons of money and be miserable.....it's the little things in life that count.

I miss you.

BeckEye said...

It's okay to feel envious. I never understood why that was one of the seven deadlies. As long as you don't act on it (like, I'monna kill this bitch to get her money) or let it spiral out of control, it's fine.

And I hope things get better for you.

Char said...

Was wondering where you've been. Glad to hear you're back, but sorry you're going through rough times. Things will get better, hang in there. ((hugs))

spleeness said...

The gift of yourself to your son is more than any money can buy. Sure, other people's lives look great because that's the face they present to the world. You never know what's happening underneath - maybe they're envious of your stability or your obvious good nature and wit.

I do a lot of traveling but I wish I had the gene to make a nice home and have kids. I don't think I'll ever have that. And your son's friends that love you and feel so comfortable around you? That sounds like the most awesome thing in the world. Money cannot buy that either.

Intelligence has nothing to do with salary. It's luck, training, opportunity, and perseverance.

Sending you a cyber hug. It's tough taking care of your sis, it sounds like. That you've so gracefully written about the challenges here is a testament to your inner strength.

Prunella Jones said...

It's okay to hate the rich. Everyone does, even if they won't admit it. I know I do. Worrying about money sucks.

Cora said...

Why do they make school activities so freaking expensive anyway?! I'm a single mom too and I just had to fork over $95 to my daughter's school for registration in an art class and a computer class - and then they wanted an additional $20 for a new PE uniform which looks exactly the same as last year's one. I told the school no. She'll continue wearing last year's one until it no longer fits or falls apart. So there! And now the school wants everyone to donate tissues and pens and food supplies in case of an emergency.... they are soooooo getting the cheap-ass tissues, damn it!!

Cora said...

Hey, I just had an idea. I don't know if your relatives all ply your kid with tons of gifts at Christmas or not (like my ex's family who always give my daughter a bunch of crap she has no use for) but if so, maybe you could ask for donations towards guitar classes instead of other gifts he wouldn't enjoy as much anyway? Just a thought.

~E said...

I've felt the same way at times. That my college girlfriends are all better of than me and what the hell went wrong there? And regardless of what anyone else says, it's ok to have a pity party and cry for yourself once in a while. It allows you to expel all the dirt in your heart and move on with a clean one.

You'll be ok.