I've had a couple of people ask where I've been. Thank you for your concern, everything is okay.
Things have been strange, and I'm having trouble adjusting. Mom and my sister, Shoufie, arrived home about a month ago. Mom stayed in my room, so I didn't really have as much access to my desktop as I would have liked. Mom is gone, now, but Shoufie remains. Shoufie is my special sister that lives with me. Which presents a whole new set of problems. For both me and my son.
Add to that I've recently been reacquainted with some old girlfriends on facebook. While I'm extremely happy for them that they are doing well, I'm envious as hell of their life styles. And I've been reluctant to talk about it. Hello? Pity party of one? We have a seat for you!
Why the hell was I not born as smart as the girlfriend who makes more in one week than I do in a month? We're both single mothers, our kids are 3 months apart. Yet, she's a brainiac that travels the world doing computer jobs and I'm still trying to figure out how I'm going to pay the electric and cable, and get my son uniforms and books in time for school to start.
The worst part about the money situation is the poor kid had someone give him a guitar. All the kid has wanted since his birthday is guitar lessons, which I cannot afford. Football starts on Monday, which is the only sport the kid plays, and I cannot afford that either. The kid deserves so much better. I'm having a difficult time rectifying my issues. My son deserves so much better than what I am able to give him. I would give him the world if it was within my reach. It is not.
I'm overwhelmed right now. And I'm probably going to wish I hadn't shared all of this. Even reading other people's blogs seems like too much, never mind commenting on them.
Never mind dealing with the special sister who keeps tattling on the teenager because she is mentally younger than he is. And dealing with the teenager who can't stand having his special aunt living with him.
So, I'm envious of people with more money than me, I'm envious of people who don't have special sisters living with them, I'm envious of people who have extra bedrooms for their mother to stay in, blah, blah, blah.
I guess this is a start. Admitting the envy is a way to overcome it. If you're my friend on facebook, you know I'm playing a lot of the game Mafia Wars. It's an easy fix to a complex situation. It doesn't require anything more from me than showing up. And right now that seems to be all I can handle.
1 day ago